When I sat down last week to write out my goals for the year, the most audacious goals I could think of weren’t career accomplishments…
When I sat down last week to write out my goals for the year, the most audacious goals I could think of weren’t career accomplishments. Instead, they were all related to personal growth. The scariest metric I could think of to track them was embarrassment.
Fear has long been a compass for me. I learned the hard way, too many times, that running away is more painful than being rejected. I also learned that when I turn fear upside town, it’s bravery in reverse, pointing to something audacious I want to do, or someone bold I want to be.
Some folks think courage is being fearless. Others think courage is learning to ignore fear. But you literally can’t be brave if you aren’t scared, and denying fear is just repression by another name. The problem with denial and repression as approaches to fear is they don’t embrace all the power that fear has to offer. This is Mike Tyson’s legendary boxing trainer, Cus D’Amato, on the topic:
Boxing is a sport of self-control. You must understand fear so you can manipulate it. Fear is like fire. You can make it work for you: it can warm you in the winter, cook your food when you’re hungry, give you light when you are in the dark, and produce energy. Let it go out of control and it can hurt you, even kill you… Fear is a friend of exceptional people.
So, back to being embarrassed. My fear* was telling me to hide, shrink and to stop dreaming after a recent defeat. But that’s the bottom of the compass needle — South, if you will. The opposite end — magnetic North to extend the analogy — was telling me to be vulnerable. When I probed what that meant, it was saying something like, “Tarikh, stand tall, look the world in the eye, and be proud of who you are. Find your voice and dive into the deep end of life.”
I don’t know how to do this yet. Frankly, I’m not even sure I know what it means. I just know it thrills and terrifies me to write it. After years of practice, I know that feeling, I’ve learned to listen, it’s my compass.
So I’m making a goal for myself this year to be more vulnerable. Specifically, to be more open, to embrace my imperfections, to share more of my authentic self with the world… and to be embarrassed regularly, even daily. Because I know if I’m embarrassed I’m pushing my boundaries. If I’m pushing my boundaries I’m living outside my comfort zone — and that’s where the personal growth lives.
*I’m hoping that someday I will wake to find myself terrified by beaches, margaritas, grilled fish and ice cream.